Heart Balm
by blueberrrykisses
Summary: Balm to numb the heart. Rub it over your chest three times daily…or as needed.


Little nervous about this… but I hope you all enjoy.

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**Heart Balm**

Balm to numb the heart. Rub it over your chest three times daily…or as needed.

"_I always knew you were daft, but have you completely taken leave of your senses?" Porlyusica crossed her arms over her chest, red eyes staring at Juvia with utter distain. "I don't deal with that kind of nonsense." _

_Juvia cringed inwardly, feeling heat rush to her face with embarrassment. "I–um–J-Juvia…" she stuttered as she clasped her hands together, wringing them nervously. Why on Earthland did she think it was a good idea to go to Porlyusica with this kind of problem? _

_Porlyusica pinched the bridge of her nose with a loud sigh. "Will you compose yourself, girl? Fortunately for you, I know someone who does."_

* * *

Juvia's pink lips curved into a small frown, eyeing Victorian-looking house apprehensively. Not because she didn't trust who was inside, but because she was afraid she wouldn't find that she was so desperately looking for.

She made her way up the outdoor stairway that led towards entrance. She lifted her arm and curled her hand into a small fist and gave the door a hard knock.

What if she was like Porlyusica? Or worse, what if she couldn't–

Almost immediately the door swung open. She was greeted by an older woman with short blonde curls.

"H-hello, are you Hilda-san?" Juvia asked timidly. "My name is Juvia Lockser and–"

"Ah, yes! You're the little fairy Porlyusica informed me about," the older woman beamed warmly at her in such a motherly manner that left Juvia feeling slightly bemused. "I've been expecting you."

Well she certainly wasn't expecting that.

Juvia offered a shy smile as she tucked a blue curl behind her ear and made her way inside.

"I've prepared us some baked goods. I hope you like scones." Juvia heard the door shut behind them. "This way dear."

The small manor was dimly lit but Juvia could still take notice of its beauty and elegance behind it. Dark colors such as maroon and charcoal decor the house but the specks of rich jade and beige were used so it wouldn't be deemed too gaudy.

With only the sharp sound of their heels clicking onto the wooden floor, Juvia felt the need to add, "You have a lovely home, Hilda-san."

"Thank you, dear. This house has been in the family for many generations now," Hilda paused. "I actually live here with my sister, but she's on a mission right now for the council. You won't be seeing her today."

Hilda led them into a spacious living room where she had beautiful tea set with along other treats waiting for them on the coffee table.

"Hilda-san _really_ shouldn't have bothered–"

"Nonsense! It's no bother at all!" Hilda interrupted her with a dismissive hand wave. "Now, come have a seat dear and make yourself at home."

The water mage had no choice but to adhere to the older blonde's request.

"Is chamomile okay?"

Juvia nodded politely and watched as Hilda poured the gold liquid into her cup before serving herself and taking a seat next to her on the sofa.

"It's not often in where Porlyusica sends someone over my way," she tells her as she takes a sip of her tea. "So tell me dear, what is it that I can help you with?"

Juvia bit down on her lower lip, her gaze shifting down towards her lap. "Forgive Juvia if her request sounds a bit…silly," she began hesitantly, "When Juvia went to visit Porlyusica-san, she told Juvia that she didn't concern herself with trivial matters of the heart."

Hilda released a dry chuckle. "I don't think she knows _how_, my dear," she told her. "I've known Porlyusica for many years now. She's an extraordinary woman when it comes to medicine, but matters of the heart? Well… it's not exactly her field of expertise," she gave Juvia a faint smile before she leaning over and adding, "And darling, I would hardly call matters of the heart _trivial_."

"Thank you, Hilda-san," Juvia's lips curled into an appreciative smile. She then paused, finding the courage to gather her thoughts. "Juvia was just wondering if there was some sort of remedy for a… heartache."

Juvia almost expected for Hilda to wave her off and dismiss her the way Porlyusica had but was surprised when Hilda peered at her with interest.

"Remedy for a heartache?" Hilda repeated thoughtfully, placing a finger over her thin lips. "Heartache in which form? A relationship breakup? Death of a loved one? Unrequited love?"

Juvia grimaced. "Unrequited love," she said in a strangled voice. She felt heart grow heavy from admitting such statement.

Nonetheless, Hilda gave her a reassuring smile. "Don't worry dear, you're not the first nor last to suffer from unrequited love. I actually suffered from a couple of those myself and I have just the thing," she took one last sip from her tea before placing it down on the table. "Wait here, I'll be right back."

Hilda returned moments later, holding a clear crystal jar that was about the size of a small apple.

"I created this myself after my second divorce," she scoffed in a dry tone. "I call it Heart Balm. Rub it over your chest, three times daily…or as needed."

Juvia set her own teacup on the table and took the jar with both hands. She eyed it curiously before unscrewing the lid open; it smelled like lavender.

"It won't mend your broken heart… but it will numb your heartache."

Juvia looked up, eyebrows drawn together with concern. "Numb it?" she echoed faintly. "But Juvia doesn't want to stop_ feeling_, she just…" her voice began to falter at the realization of her uncertainty. What did she want? Isn't this what she came for? To find some sort of remedy that would ease her heartache from a certain raven-haired ice mage?

"Don't fret, dear. It won't deprive you from all your emotions," she assured Juvia with a kind smile, but that wasn't what concerned Juvia. "Just the romantic feelings your heartache longs for."

Juvia bit down on her lower lip as her eyes fell back down on the crystal jar in her hands, trying to ignore the unsettling sensation that stirred in the pit of her stomach.

The thought of her finally finding some sort of relief after enduring the torture that came with unrequited love was more than inviting. To be liberated from the heartache she had become a prisoner of, heartache that made her too powerless to escape…and the key was sitting in the mere palm of her hands.

So why did it feel so wrong?

The older woman seemed to have sensed Juvia's self-doubt.

"You can try it and if you feel unsure, you can always stop using it without any repercussions," she informed her. "And just incase you were wondering; the balm _**will only**_ numb your current unrequited lover; _**your heartache**_. It will not impede you from seeking love. You will still have the potential to fall in love with another, as it would be if you weren't using the Heart Balm."

Juvia pulled her lips back into a tight smile. Fall for another? She highly doubted that.

"That's not what has Juvia feeling so uneasy," she disclosed with a small sigh as she carefully placed the crystal jar on the table. "Juvia has…. an overwhelming sense of guilt," she confessed, her stormy-blue eyes falling towards her lap. "Juvia doesn't understand why."

Hilda's lips withered into a sad grimace.

"It's not unheard of, but what you're feeling is a side-effect from the balm. It normally affects those who have immensely, strong feelings over a certain individual," she murmured in a somber tone. "You see darling, Heart Balm has a special ingredient that causes a direct connection to a person's heart, to their feelings, which is why I store it in an enchanted crystal jar. I presumed that when you opened it, your own heart might have sensed it and somehow anticipated that you might be cheating yourself out of your emotions, which is why you might be feeling this way."

Juvia blinked, then blinked several more times as she tried to dissect Hilda's words. How is it that her own body knew that what she was doing was wrong?

She closed her eyes as she tried to regulate her breathing; she felt like throwing up.

"But not to worry little lamb, you're not the first person to experience this strange phenomenon," she squeezed her right hand with comfort. "There's a reason why I brewed us some chamomile tea," she leaned forward over the coffee table and took a hold of Juvia's teacup and offered it to her. "It helps relieve any emotional distress you might have before using the balm. The more you drink, the better."

Juvia numbly took the tea cup with both hands and took a sip to not only null her guilt, but also to force down the bile that threaten to escape her lips.

"Oh dear, you're starting to look a little pale," Hilda's voice was now laced with concern. She placed a hand over her shoulder. "If this is troubling you so, maybe you shouldn't use it."

A small voice stirred the back of her mind._ Remember why you came._

Juvia furiously shook her head, blue curls bouncing in waves. "No, Juvia wants to use it… it's just that…Juvia doesn't want to cheat herself out of her feelings," she explained. "Juvia still wants to feel the love she holds for her Gray-sama. Juvia just doesn't want to feel any heartache."

Hilda blinked, looking thoroughly confused. "Darling, I'm not quite sure I understand. This person…Gray?" Juvia gave a weak nod. "Doesn't reciprocate your feelings, but nonetheless, you still want to be emotionally conscious for the love you hold for him?"

Juvia bit down on her lower lip to keep it from trembling. "Yes, but…without the heartache… pain," she answered foolishly and by the look on Hilda's face, she knew that her request was only only futile but also not possible.

Hilda released a long, heavy sigh. "I'm sorry darling, but I'm afraid that's not how the balm works," she told her. "The minute you start using the balm, your romantic feelings for this person, your love, will automatically be numbed out. You'll view him in the eyes of just another friend."

Juvia felt as if a knife went right through her heart. Her vision suddenly blurred, tears threatening to spill over her porcelain face.

"I don't mean to be insensitive but why would you put yourself through that torture? Its clear by the anguish on your face that you are hurting, wouldn't it be best to just let go?"

Juvia opened her mouth but failed to come up with a with a clear response.

She couldn't bring herself to just forget about the love she held for Gray because in the end, it was Gray who saved her and pulled her out from the depths of darkness that once conquered her heart. He showed her kindness that she didn't know existed and opened up emotions inside of her that she didn't know she was capable of feeling.

And even if Gray didn't romantically reciprocate her feelings, he still made her feel like she was apart of something special…and the thought of that disappearing...

She didn't know if she could live without.

Juvia's turned her attention to Hilda, who was patiently waiting for a response. "Forgive Juvia, she doesn't mean to be rude but Juvia doesn't expect for Hilda-san to understand," her lips curved into a bitter smile.

"Juvia was once an emotionless person who only knew about pain and rejection, being a burden to everyone around her. But then Juvia met Gray-sama," she sniffled, but smiled fondly at the memory. "It was a…_memorable_ encounter. We were fighting with each others guilds at the time Juvia nearly killed Gray-sama."

"But even then, when Gray-sama defeated Juvia, he showed her mercy and kindness that she had never experienced before. He made Juvia see things in a clear light…he gave her hope," Her voice went soft with affection. "So even if Gray-sama doesn't reciprocate his feelings, it wouldn't right to just…erase them because if it weren't for her Gray-sama…" Juvia trailed off, releasing a small sob that she was trying so hard to repress as she covered her face with both hands.

She just wanted to _feel_ without her heart hurting so much. Was that too selfish? Or just not possible?

"Oh darling, come here," Hilda pulled her into a tight embrace that only made Juvia sob even harder. "I understand now…and I am so very sorry, but even I can't create a balm that just numbs your heartache; it goes hand in hand with your love and feelings for Gray. Heart Balm does not stop you from loving someone…it just momentarily numbs the pain."

"Do you remember why you came here in the first place? Do you feel like you can do without the balm?"

Juvia closed her eyes shut with unwelcoming memories plagued her thoughts.

"_I've got to clearly lay out the things I don't like. I'm entering a new age too."_

"_Gray-sama…I love you!"_

"_No, thanks."_

She made herself believe that the unshed tears she was holding back were from their victory and not because of the humiliating rejection.

Just like she pretended like her heart wasn't breaking in two, or the fact that she didn't see Gray dance with almost every girl from Fairy Tail…except her.

"_Today is…our anniversary!"_

Okay, she had to admit she messed up on that one. Still, it didn't mean that the rejections didn't hurt.

"_I wouldn't say we lived together…she came and refused to move out…"_

Had living together with her meant nothing to him?

They had private moments together in where Gray confided in her, trusted her with secrets she knew others were unware of, moments she knew were special. She couldn't just let him go because he had so effortlessly taken a piece of her that she, _herself,_ wasn't sure if she would be able to retrieve.

She stood by his side and let herself foolishly believe that maybe one day, he would be able to tear down his own walls and let her inside his heart.

However, whatever hopes that Juvia was clinging on too, diminished when she spotted him kissing another woman. Sure, she would admit and say that sometimes she could be a bit pushy, but was she _that bad?_ That embarrassing? Or maybe not good enough?

All this time she thought that maybe Gray wasn't ready to face his feelings or that his focus was on something more important, but that simply wasn't the case. The hard truth was that Gray wasn't interested in her, and no matter how hard she tried he would never look at her that way. He cared about her as his friend, but nothing more.

Juvia was only causing her own pain and suffering and if she was going to survive, she was going to have to give up the part the loved him…no matter how much it hurt her.

Maybe the best thing for Juvia _was_ to numb herself from Gray…

Juvia slowly pulled away from Hilda's embrace and mustered up a watery smile.

"Juvia will take it."

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A/N: The ending is meh because this was suppose to be a one page drabble that turned into almost seven pages. One of my New Year's resolution was to write more…so here we are. I hope this little one-shot made sense because even I had some wtf moments when writing this.

Excuse grammatical errors or anything else you might have spotted that's wrong. I don't have a Beta and I haven't written anything in like… a year and a half and I'm slowly trying to bring myself back in into fanfic. Constructive criticism and helpful tips are always welcomed (and so are betas). Aaaand since I'm the Queen of always changing her shit, I'll probably end up going back and rewrite/fix errors.

The idea of Heart Balm came from The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (I'm obsessed!)

_**Balm to numb the heart. Rub it on your chest three times daily…or as needed.**_This sentence is taken out from the show… I don't own it.

All I know from the original Heart Balm is that it numbs the heart from feeling pain. Everything else, the way Heart Balm works…I kinda just made up…won't say more incase I spoil it for anyone who wants to watch it.

Also, I don't own Hilda's character. Since Heart Balm came from Chilling Adventures (and it WAS Hilda who made it) I found it appropriate to include Hilda in the story... Plus, I felt like it was a nice little tribute to include her.

Another plus, I also wanted a sweet and understand character to be there for my baby girl.

For now, this is complete. I have several ideas in mind but I have three other Gruvia one-shots I want to finish/work on. (And….for anyone who still cares…I'm still work on Shades lol.)

Sorry for the long and tedious note. xo

-Blueberrykisses


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